Twix Latest Victim of Grocery Shrink Ray

Have you heard of the Grocery Shrink Ray? It's taking everyday grocery items by the balls and giving them a good squeeze. Many foods that you buy are becoming smaller while prices stay the same! The latest item is one of my all-time favorites, the Twix bar. You may have noticed new packaging for Twix (see photo - sans classic right-leaning italics) and I can assure you that this is meant to provide some degree of cover-up for the grocery shrink ray blast the Twix bar recently received. I've provided two pictures - the first of two King Size Twix bars next to each other unwrapped, and the second of them still in the wrapper. You can visibly see the size difference in both pictures. The regular size Twix has been affected too, not just King Size. The King Size used to be 3.35oz and is now 3.05oz. A real tragedy and rip off.

These Guys

are completely stupid. Serious douchebaggery. You laughed when you looked at the picture. They look like ex-members of Good Charlotte. Or aspiring Chris Angel bodyguards. Or friends of Jon Gosselin.

The Liquor Store by my House

is stupid. I won't say the name because I don't want to be that guy, but, in preparation for a BBQ last night, we needed ice to keep our beerz cold. I walk up to the counter, ask to purchase a 20 lb. bag of ice and the cashier asks me for my ID. I reminded him that ice is made from a very complicated process involving water and a freezer, no alcohol. He said that this was a liquor store, I had to be 21 just to be in the store. I thus responded, then why don't check ID at the door? He was stumped and I left with my ice. You're welcome.

Jessica Simpson Is Not Very Smart

But you already knew that. In a recent issue of US Weekly, JSimps, as I like to call her, told a columnist about her bad habits. Something we all have but JSimps' bad habits make her look even more retarded. I kid you not, Jess admitted that she was addicted to Nicorette gum. No lie. Now JSimps, I know you're going to read this, and there's something that I should tell you. Nicorette gum has nicotine in it. Nicotine (pronounced nick-(like Lachey)-O-teen) is the addictive ingredient in cigarettes. Thus, smokers trying to quit chew Nicorette instead of smoking. It's also expensive. You can go to Sam's Club and buy a fricken pallet of Juicy Fruit for less than a box of that damn Nicorette. You should also brush your teeth more than three times a week, something else you admitted to in the same blurb. Can you imagine kissing that mouth? I can...sweet smooth lips, a teasing tongue, a slick film of plaque and a nugget of grub leftover from yesterday. Followed by an exchange of the four pieces of Nicorette you were chewing. I'm sweating.

NYC Bus Drivers Take An Average of 64 PAID Days Off for Being Spat On

Seriously? I hardly even get sick time let alone cry time to deal with the absolute trauma associated with a near death experience like getting spit on. Deal with it you lazy ass idiots and get back behind the wheel of your bus. Wear a raincoat if you're worried about getting wet. If I was a taxpayer in NYC, I'd be pissed.

http://www.kare11.com/news/whatsup/whatsup_article.aspx?storyid=851680&catid=333

Thanks to KARE11 in Minneapolis for the article.

This Engagement Picture

is stupid.

This Guy = Stupid Douche

More specifically, his profile picture. This frat-tastic uberdouche has one of those Facebook profile pictures that just screams Axe, Ed Hardy, body glitter, and calf implants. Props for being in shape, but a big numbing slap to the scrotum for using this picture as your profile pic. I hope you realize that every guy who sees your picture immediately hates you and hopes that you break an ankle following a drunken evening of fist-pumping to house music.

You are a douche and stupid, thus, we celebrate by posting your face and ripply abs on the Internet. Where do you get your juice? Please mock appropriately.

Bristol Palin Preaches Abstinence, for $30,000 A Pop

Bristol Palin, 19 year old daughter of inexperienced celebutant wanna-be politician but lacking any credible street cred, Sarah, is the new face of teen abstinence. What's funny is that Bristol is a teen mother, the daughter of a politician who actively preaches abstinence and Christian values. It's like Dick Cheney being against gay rights, yet he has a lesbian daughter. Off topic, but anyway, it's not so much that I'm against what she's doing (like a drug addict promoting an anti-drug campaign), it's that she's asking $30,000 a pop to speak to youth about abstinence. Really?!?!?!? I mean, really, Bristol Palin? You asking for $30,000 to speak about abstinence is like your Mom running for President. Absolutely retarded. Funny how she has also been quoted as saying that abstinence is unrealistic. I guess it really is all about the benjamins. Get a real job and good luck convincing teens to keep the peen out of the vageen. At least teach about birth control and tell them how you were too stupid to use any.

Jonathan Papelbon's Face

Red Sox closer, Jonathan Papelbon, has the stupidest dumb face in Major League Baseball. No no, I'm not saying there's something wrong with his face in 'normal activity', but there is when he pitches. In an attempt to be intimidating, Papelbon's delivery face looks like a picture some retarded fratdouche takes of himself in self-portraits at a party with every hot girl in attendance. If I were at the plate and hadn't seen Paplebon's pre-dump face before, I'd ask for time, step out of the box, and say something like, "What the hell?" while laughing and pointing at his scrunched up, half-assed attempt at being intimidating. It doesn't work. You look stupid. And I want to punch in you in your stupid face while you're on the mound but I'd probably get tazed before I got out there.

Ask Marcus Thames if he's intimidated by that face.

Welcome

Welcome to Celebrate Stupid, a blog dedicated to celebrating the world's morons, idiots, and general stupidity. This idea came to me as a way to expose the stupid and idiotic I see in everyday life; at work, home, in the media, and out in the world. I always remind my wife, "you are smarter than most people." Thus, a blog to prove it and make people laugh. Suggestions and comments are encouraged. Nothing is off limits as long as it's stupid!