Jessica Simpson Is Not Very Smart

But you already knew that. In a recent issue of US Weekly, JSimps, as I like to call her, told a columnist about her bad habits. Something we all have but JSimps' bad habits make her look even more retarded. I kid you not, Jess admitted that she was addicted to Nicorette gum. No lie. Now JSimps, I know you're going to read this, and there's something that I should tell you. Nicorette gum has nicotine in it. Nicotine (pronounced nick-(like Lachey)-O-teen) is the addictive ingredient in cigarettes. Thus, smokers trying to quit chew Nicorette instead of smoking. It's also expensive. You can go to Sam's Club and buy a fricken pallet of Juicy Fruit for less than a box of that damn Nicorette. You should also brush your teeth more than three times a week, something else you admitted to in the same blurb. Can you imagine kissing that mouth? I can...sweet smooth lips, a teasing tongue, a slick film of plaque and a nugget of grub leftover from yesterday. Followed by an exchange of the four pieces of Nicorette you were chewing. I'm sweating.